I like to talk, Have you noticed? Out loud. On paper. In person. Online. If you ask me what time it is I will tell you where I got my watch. And to be honest, I’m tired of it. Because that watch is now telling me it is time to just start doing all the things I’ve been talking about. So, I am going to be taking a break from writing for awhile. To reframe the structure of how I go forward.
This structure for my life has been a long time in the making, just like the current interior design project that I am working on. It is the culmination of years of effort to renovate an old limestone mill into an event venue. The site is ancient and weathered and while it is structurally sound it’s beauty has been reserved for those with big imaginations and a willingness to look past its decay. But for some of us, that rugged, stubborn, steadfast structure is the very thing that gives its future so much hope. Because it’s been reimagined and reframed, just like in this photo.
I had been on the job site several times in the morning and the sunlight streaming through even the dirtiest of windows was stunning. And then one Sunday evening I wanted to see what it looked like at sunset. Because for those hosting an event there, that would be the setting. It was breathtaking watching the play of light across the structure. The harsh geometry was softened by the color and light. And then I saw that the windows of the now enclosed and shiny new part of the structure reflected a crossroads, of sorts, between the old and the new. It reframed the bulk of the iron and steel that had carried the massive tons of boulders for the construction industry into a projection that only existed on glass. It was ethereal and not real. An illusion. A projection. A hope. A glimmer of the present cast into a future.
This interplay of reflection is something I am always drawn to capturing. One of my favorite reflection photos was taken several years ago in a pool near Newport Beach, California. We had walked up at sunset and before my kids could dive in I noticed that the hand rail by the stairs reflected a nearly perfect heart shape. I snapped a few pictures and then my kids dove in and churned the water making the heart shape disappear. I was thankful for the moment — albeit fleeting — as I got to see a whole heart. But I knew the love that it represented was better reflected in the deep dive and the joy of being in the water with those I loved.
In both instances, I was standing at a decision point in my life that allowed me to learn from what was real and documented and factual and project it forward as a basis for choice. The depth of the first reflection has led to the strength of the current one and so I am choosing to move forward having learned from the boulders and burdens of my past without carrying them forward. These structures — the skeletons of my past have been fleshed out with words that have healed my wounds but it has become so time consuming that I cannot put into action what I am compelled to do because of them. When I started this blog I was willing to cast my words out into the world hoping they were heard and now all I can hear is the ticking of that clock telling me my time is better spent elsewhere.
Like I said. I love words. And so this decision to quiet my voice is a choice that I don’t take lightly but its because I am now choosing to express myself differently. I have spent my life trying to talk people into doing the right thing, buying the right products, caring about causes or commitments and in some cases, me. And so its time for me to simply act. I have some things to learn in this capacity but given what I have been able to learn in the past, I believe I am able.
These posts have contained the stones and the bones of my stories. They are both the burden and the framework of the strength that will carry me forward into that still fragile future that looks beautiful from where I stand.
Don’t worry. I’ll be back. To report,periodically and, hopefully, succinctly, on what I am doing and how you will be able to join in my efforts with action of your own. Until then I will be visible in what I build and I will be heard in the stories of those I impact. Everything I have learned that I have written about has laid the groundwork for an amazing increase in my work and relationships and all the good things that I get now that I know what I want to give. So, it’s all good because I have been able to reflect on my past in a way that allows me to carry that strength forward without the weight and for that, I can wait no longer.
Until then, carry on… and keep me posted:)
MamaBearings 